After an unbelievably difficult few months, Chrissy Teigen has just revealed to her fans that she's currently 4 weeks sober and there's no denying how happy she's looking!
Now, we all know that Chrissy Teigen and John Legend have had the worst possible few months...
Chrissy and John had already settled on a name for their little boy...
In the post, the heartbroken mom apologized to her son...
She then acknowledged the things that she and John are grateful for...
"We are so grateful for the life we have, for our wonderful babies Luna and Miles, for all the amazing things we’ve been able to experience.  But every day can’t be full of sunshine.  On this darkest of days, we will grieve, we will cry our eyes out. But we will "hug and love each other harder and get through it."And, just a few weeks after she shared the heartbreaking photos from her stillbirth...
In the deeply personal piece simply titled "Hi," the star started off by explaining that she didn't know when she would be ready to address her son's death.
"Instead, I’m writing from the downstairs couch, still cozied up in a blanket but buzzing from a morning of friends and fried chicken."
"I’m reading off countless notes from my phone — thoughts that have randomly popped up in the weeks since."She took some time to thank fans for their support...
"I didn’t really know how I would start this, no matter the room or state I was in, but it feels right to begin with a thank you. For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. "Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, 'you probably won’t read this, but…'. I can assure you, I did."Chrissy then moved onto talking about the day she lost Jack.
"One of the standout moments from that morning (or evening? I have no idea) was me going through the halls of labor and delivery, and John saying “What, is there a f**king party going on here??" Here we were, just wheeled down to a new floor, me covered in a thin blanket to hide, knowing I was about to fully deliver what was supposed to be the 5th member of our beautiful family, a son, only to say goodbye moments later. "People cheered and laughed right outside our door, understandably for a new life born and celebrated. You kind of wonder how anyone is thinking about anyone but you."Chrissy explained that she was admitted to hospital after persistent bleeding and multiple blood transfusions, and diagnosed with partial placenta abruption.
"At this point I had already come to terms with what would happen: I would have an epidural and be induced to deliver our 20 week old, a boy that would have never survived in my belly (please excuse these simple terms). "I was previously on bedrest for over a month, just trying to get the little dude to 28 weeks, a “safer" zone for the fetus. My doctors diagnosed me with partial placenta abruption. I had always had placenta problems. I had to deliver Miles a month early because his stomach wasn’t getting enough food from my placenta. But this was my first abruption. We monitored it very closely, hoping for things to heal and stop.""I could have spent these days at the hospital, but not much of a difference would have been made. I was still seen by doctors at home, silently twisting their negative words into positives, thinking that everything might still turn out okay."
"Finally, I had a pretty bad night in bed, after a not-so-great ultrasound, where I was bleeding a bit more than even my abnormal amount. My bleeding was getting heavier and heavier. The fluid around Jack had become very low — he was barely able to float around. At some points, I swore it was so low I could lay on my back and feel his arms and legs from outside my belly."Chrissy then described the heartwrenching moment she was told it was time to say goodbye.
"Late one night, I was told it would be time to let go in the morning."
"I cried a little at first, then went into full-blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again. Oxygen was placed over my nose and mouth, and that was the first picture you saw. Utter and complete sadness.""After hours, I was able to relax, and decided I wanted to wait until I really, really knew it was over."
"I stupidly compared it to dogs I had “put down" in the past — how I never wanted to let go until we absolutely knew it was time, that they were suffering far too much. I texted this to my doctor and she said 'absolutely.' "Later that night, I went to the bathroom, looked down into the toilet (I had been doing this for months), and broke down again. The sheer amount of blood and clots showed me exactly what I had been waiting for. It was time.""I’m not sure I’ll ever forget the experience."
"People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn’t feel empty, this space. It feels full."
"Maybe *too* bursting full, actually. I find myself randomly crying, thinking about how happy I am to have two insanely wonderful little toddlers who fill this house with love. I smother them with love while they “Moooooooom!!!!!" me. I don’t care."In honor of Jack, Chrissy and her family decided to do some special things for him shortly after losing him.
From tattoos to a blood drive, her family and friends all gathered together in order to help the pair grieve.And of course...
@chrissyteigen Sending you and your family so much love and peace. Thank you for allowing so many women to feel see… https://t.co/9s2o6yf92p— Marquita Bradshaw (@Marquita Bradshaw)1601576865.0