A mom has gone viral after she shared a video claiming that children "don't owe their parents anything" and it's caused quite the debate!
Lisa Pontius recently took to TikTok to share her perspective on parent and child relationships in a video titled: "Kids Don't Owe Their Parents Anything."
The video, which has been viewed more than 4 million times, sees thirty-three-year-old Lisa discuss why she believes that children don't owe their parents a certain kind of relationship. The stay-at-home mom from Charleston, South Carolina began the video by responding to comments on a previous video that criticized her for setting boundaries with her own mom and said that she should be "grateful" for all her mom's done for her.
"Like setting boundaries with someone means you don't love or appreciate what they've done for you," Lisa responded.
"Children don't owe their parents a certain kind of relationship, and depending on the parent, they might not owe them respect, either, because that sh*t is reciprocal," she continued. "There is definitely a different dynamic between an adult parent and a child who is still a child."
Lisa then explained that she believes it's "a parent's job to provide for their children," even though "not everyone rises to the occasion."
"It's a parent's job to provide for their children. It's a responsibility. Not everyone rises to the occasion, but that's like the bare minimum, taking care of your kid's physical and financial needs," she said.
"The level above that is their emotional needs, which good parents do, but all of that is not a contingent relationship. You're not loving and providing for your children with the expectation that they will blindly obey and do whatever you say as adults."
She goes on to say that she hopes she will create a good enough relationship with her children while they're young, that they will want to have a relationship with her when they're adults but you don't get to pick.
Lisa then brings the video to a close by emphasizing that children are "people" and they "don't owe you shit because you took care of them."
"If you raise them right, meaning you have a solid foundation and a good relationship you will get that benefit back.If not, that's on you."
@itsme_lisap Already anticipating the Karen's in the comments ##parenting ##parentsoftiktok ##parentchildrelationship ##respect ##boundaries
♬ original sound - Lisa P
Of course, after going viral Lisa's video caused quite the stir online.
Many people agreed with the mom that parents should "provide and care" for their children.
"The parents brought them into the world it's their responsibility. No child asks to be born," one person wrote. "My kid won't respect me if I don't show respect first. we are the grown-ups, take accountability and hold yourself to the standards you will teach your children," added another.
"I agree with her 100 percent, you decided to bring that child into this world, it's your job to provide and care for them. And they don't owe you anything," said a third.
But, while some agreed, others questioned her perspective.
"So what happens when your child/children don't clean up after themselves? Well, they owe you anything so I guess let them be little turds!" one person asked.
"Wrong way to look at it. If their parents helped raise them, got them to where they are today, then they owe everything to their parents that explains why they were successful then as they are now," said another.
Lisa spoke with BuzzFeed following the video and explained that her children "don't owe me anything once they're grown just because I birthed them. Hopefully, by that point, I will have earned their admiration and respect by the relationship we have built, but that's not a guarantee."
"Some parents parent through fear and authoritarianism, and who in their adult life wants to maintain a close relationship with a dictator or someone who emotionally manipulates you? I kept seeing the same messages on my videos from members of the older generation that said children owe respect to their parents regardless of how the parent treated the child, and I think that's simply naive and unrealistic."
Lisa then explained that she believes the "roof over your head" argument is "manipulative" because "wouldn't you have had a place to live for yourself regardless of if you had children? A kid isn't a freeloading roommate, they're your dependent and your responsibility."
The mom then moved on to discuss maintaining healthy boundaries with parents in which she admitted that "going no contact can be a necessary step" sometimes, however the goal is to "set boundaries and communicate" to avoid that happening.
"Boundaries can be small things, like asking someone to call before coming over or asking visitors to not kiss your new baby," she explained. "There can also be bigger boundaries, but the goal is the ability to maintain a relationship that doesn't compromise your mental health or happiness.
"I hope parents, especially parents of younger kids, take away how delicate this relationship is that they are building with their children. That they will one day be adults and get to decide if they want you around, and hopefully you've given them a reason to want to."
What do you think about Lisa's perspective on parenting?