With divorce rates at an all-time high, it comes as no surprise that one angry woman has divorced her husband over the simple reason that he left the dishes by the sink.
The story was first posted to Must Be This Tall To Ride by the husband in question.
He explained that his wife left him because he sometimes leaves dishes by the sink which to him, isn't a big deal, but for his wife, "it was a big deal to her."
"It seems so unreasonable when you put it that way: My wife left me because sometimes I leave dishes by the sink. It makes her seem ridiculous; and makes me seem like a victim of unfair expectations," he began by writing.
"Sometimes I leave used drinking glasses by the kitchen sink, just inches away from the dishwasher. It isn't a big deal to me now. It wasn't a big deal to me when I was married. But it was a big deal to her."
It was so much of a "big deal" to his wife, that every time she found a glass by the sink, unbeknown to her husband, she became closer to "moving out and ending our marriage."
"But even if I had, I fear I wouldn't have worked as hard to change my behavior as I would have stubbornly tried to get her to see things my way."
The writer went on to talk about how "feeling respected by others is important to men" while adding that that feeling "respected by one's wife is essential to living a purposeful and meaningful life."
"Maybe I thought my wife should respect me simply because I exchanged vows with her. It wouldn't be the first time I acted entitled. One thing I know for sure is that I never connected putting a dish in the dishwasher with earning my wife's respect," he wrote.
"I remember my wife often saying how exhausting it was for her to have to tell me what to do all the time. It's why the sexiest thing a man can say to his partner is 'I got this', and then take care of whatever needs to be taken care of."
"I always reasoned: 'If you just tell me what you want me to do, I'll gladly do it,'" he explained.
But, the issue lay with the fact that his wife wanted to be his wife and not his mother.
"She wanted to be my partner, and she wanted me to apply all of my intelligence and learning capabilities to the logistics of managing our lives and household. She wanted me to figure out all of the things that need done, and devise my own method of task management."
The writer acknowledged that he was perfectly capable of doing the tasks he's asked to do by his wife.
But, what he is "not good at is being psychic, or accurately predicting how our wives might feel about any given thing because male and female emotional responses tend to differ pretty dramatically."
For him, leaving a glass by the sink did not seem like a big deal for many reasons.
First of all, he may want to use the glass again. Secondly, he doesn't "care if a glass is sitting by the sink unless guests are coming over."
And finally, "I will never care about a glass sitting by the sink. Ever. It's impossible. It's like asking me to make myself interested in crocheting or to enjoy yard work. I don't want to crochet things. And it's hard for me to imagine a scenario in which doing a bunch of work in my yard sounds more appealing than ANY of several thousand less-sucky things which could be done."
There is just one reason he would stop leaving the glass by the sink, however.
"A lesson I learned much too late: Because I love and respect my partner, and it REALLY matters to her," he wrote.
"I understand that when I leave that glass there, it hurts her ― literally causes her pain ― because it feels to her like I just said, 'Hey. I don't respect you or value your thoughts and opinions. Not taking 4 seconds to put my glass in the dishwasher is more important to me than you are'."
The reasoning behind his wife wanting him to move the dirty glasses and dishes is so much more than just that.
"All of the sudden, it's not about something as benign and meaningless as a dirty dish. Now, it's a meaningful act of love and sacrifice, and really? 4 seconds? That doesn't seem like the kind of thing too big to do for the person who sacrifices daily for me," he said.
"I don't have to understand WHY she cares so much about that stupid glass. I just have to understand and respect that she DOES."
"She will never agree with him, because for her, it's not ACTUALLY about the glass. The glass situation could be ANY situation in which she feels unappreciated and disrespected by her husband."
"The wife doesn't want to divorce her husband because he leaves used drinking glasses by the sink. She wants to divorce him because she feels like he doesn't respect or appreciate her, which suggests he doesn't love her, and she can't count on him to be her lifelong partner. She can't trust him. She can't be safe with him. Thus, she must leave and find a new situation in which she can feel content and secure."
As his writing concludes, he adds:
"If he KNEW that ― if he fully understood this secret she has never explained to him in a way that doesn't make her sound crazy to him (causing him to dismiss it as an inconsequential passing moment of emo-ness), and that this drinking glass situation and all similar arguments will eventually end his marriage, I believe he WOULD rethink which battles he chose to fight, and would be more apt to take action doing things he understands to make his wife feel loved and safe."